I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm doing this.
Yes.... on Saturday, I am packing up all of my belongings and going to Sedona for a three month trip.
You can listen to the podcast episode here where I share in depth about what's going on and why I am taking this trip.
But of course, in good old fashion Lauren style, I wanted to also write a blog post... mostly for you, but also for me.. because I feel like a decision as big as this needs a moment of writing to celebrate, honor, and intention set.
About 1 year ago I started to really struggle with my health. I always had problems: exhaustion, fatigue, burnout, anxiety, and unexplained brain fog. But 1 year ago my symptoms got worse. I was sleeping for 19 hours a day sometimes, couldn't get out of bed, couldn't form sentences some times.. It was rough.
Then I was diagnosed with Chronic Lyme disease. And my wakeup began.
I am a firm believer that this health "crisis" I have been in is actually my own personal shamanic wakeup. And I am listening to the calling and surrendering to the process.
In the past, when I was "fighting" my illness, I was in a constant battle that I was never winning. It felt defeating, almost as if my life was out of my control. But the minute I surrendered my process to God/Spirit/Source, things started to get easier, and the Universe started to guide me to the next steps of healing.
Currently, I am using Bee Venom Therapy, also known as Apitherapy, you use the bees to sting you and the venom goes into your body and kills the spirochete bacteria that is Lyme disease. There is an entire spiritual energy around this process for me and I find myself getting better every single day. But my soul definitely needed more than just a 3x a week stinging session. My soul needed a healing experience.
As I have been exploring plant ceremonies, and mother nature's healing modalities like Kambo (the medicine of the frog) I have felt a deep calling to go away for a long period of time. "Disconnect from your life," spirit said. "Go away, and go inward."
Every time I would take a trip away somewhere, I felt this really loud whisper from the Universe that said "Stay longer. Don't return home. You still have more work to do here."
This felt, for the longest time, utterly impossible to me. How could I possibly leave my husband for a long period of time? How could I just say goodbye to the house and my regular routine to just go away? What the heck am I thinking? And what about my work?
But the whispers kept coming. And finally, I am listening.
So I am going away.
Honestly my biggest fear was leaving Matt behind. For a while we had the intention for him to come with me, but the Universe had bigger plans for us. So he's staying behind. We have plans for him to come visit or for me to come home for a week in between my three month trip. But we are detached and just holding space for it to unfold how it needs to unfold.
I had this great fear that he would be angry with me for wanting to take this trip. But he was actually incredibly supportive. It was so wonderful. He said, "if you feel like this is something you need to do to get better, I Fully support you."
That was all I needed to hear.
Yes this trip is scary for me, and yes I have no idea what will happen. But I feel a full force transformation coming my way. And I am allowing it. I am surrendering to the process and trusting whatever his experience will bring me.
I encourage you to listen to the podcast episode today. And trust that if your soul is calling you to do something - it is calling you for a reason. Listen to your gut. You are safe to do the scary things.
-Lauren of Love