I felt called to jump into the blog and share a recent story of my life.
After all, I love being real. and raw with you all and If my stories can help and empower and help one person, then they are worth sharing.
Have you ever struggled with an addiction?
Maybe it was a bad habit, like eating cookies in bed every night, or maybe it was an obsession with a thought like, "I'm not worthy," or "I will never be successful."
We all have our bad habits of action, thought and emotion that seem, for many of us, to feel out of our control.
For many, our addictive behaviors are meeting a need: A need to feel safe, a need for consistency, a need to escape or numb.
For me, Alcohol and Anti-Depressants were a big numbing agent. And I am happy to celebrate and announce that I've been free of these addictive behaviors for more than a year now, and I am so excited to share my journey, the stories of how I got healthier and how this has changed me and my business.
As I've grown an mastered the art of growing a business, I have learned one thing to be incredibly true: My ability to create a successful entity outside of myself is directly connected to my ability to create success within myself.
The more I work on becoming a better human, mastering my lessons, healing the ego, etc; the more success I can create in my life and business.
How do you know what to work on to improve your business?
Here's a question to ask: "Why do I not feel worthy right now?"
Whatever comes up... go work on that.
For me, it was really hard to feel aligned with helping people improve themselves and become better when I wasn't doing all that I could do make that happen for myself.
So in February of 2019, I made the decision to go entirely sober.
And a few months later, I discontinued all of my anti-depressant medication.
It awakened me and cracked me open on a deeper level and allowed me to step more deeply into my power.
Here's the story.
Many of our bad habits stem from emotional wounds that we have been masking.
For me, this was a sexual assault many years ago and being date raped my freshman year of college. I talk a lot about that experience in my podcast Ep143 ... but for now, just know that there was a deep connection to my belief that I needed to drink and take antidepressants to feel "balance" in my emotional state.
But personal growth and inner work are a beautiful thing... when you start to work on certain aspects of yourself, you start to feel misaligned with certain lifetime habits, practices and routines that no longer serve you.
The more personal "waking up" I was doing: practicing meditation, working with clients, building the business, reading personal developing, the more I felt this craving to remove the crutches that I had been holding onto for emotional numbing and safety.
So I decided it was time: "Who was I without an anti-depressant? What did life feel like if I wasn't numbing out all the time?"
I wanted to know.
So I found out.
Just last week, I shared this post on my Instagram all about it, and I got a ton of questions like, “What are you doing to take care of your mental health instead of medication?” And “Are you feeling any different?” So I wanted to take some time to answer those questions.
View this post on Instagram
Two months ago I entered a new level of healing: For the first time in my life I am sober and off of antidepressants at the same time. Iâ€™ve been sober since February. And now Iâ€™m medication free. This was a really scary step for me because I havenâ€™t been in this energy of sobriety and free of meds since.. well, since I was 14. Iâ€™m 30 guys... thatâ€™s a long time and a lot of conditioning to move through. I heard this message from spirit that it was time to come off my meds.. and I was scared shitless, but I did it. I just knew... no explanation.. but I just knew it was what was next. No more SSRIs. I didnâ€™t know what to expect, but my mind definitely went to the worst case scenario. I thought my creative channel would get stuck and my anxiety would skyrocket. I thought I would fight with my husband or get really depressed or find myself driving the business into the ground. I thought I would go crazy and lose my spiritual connection or my ability to serve others or worse... that I would become suicidal. Which is actually a real concern because My freshman year of college I overdosed in an attempt to end my life. None of that happened. Yes there have been some bad side effects that Iâ€™m moving through. My energy is still not 100 percent what I desire it to be, my feminine wound is exposed, and for the last three weeks Iâ€™ve been battling a crazy itchy rash all over my skin that Iâ€™m pretty sure is an autoimmune flare up from my body trying to readjust. But Iâ€™m surrendering to it. Because I know that this too will pass as my body navigates this healing. Hereâ€™s what Iâ€™ve found: in the two months Iâ€™ve surrender to this scary decision, more love, abundance and opportunity has flowed into my life without effort. Itâ€™s like the universe has seen me step up and she says, â€œokay, now you are ready for the desires youâ€™ve been calling in.â€ Rumi says, â€œdo not resist the wound. The wound is where the light comes through.â€ So here I am. Surrendering to the wound, to let in the light. I hope this be a reminder to you that listening to your intuition can sometimes feel scary, and can often feel challenging, but it is always where the light comes through. â™¥ï¸
How I am taking care of my mental health right now:
-I sit in silence, journal and pray: I think we overcomplicate mental wellness sometimes… Your BRAIN needs a break dude. Are you waking up and jumping into your day without any self-care or morning align time practice? How can you possibly show up in your best state if your tank is running on empty all the time? Let your battery recharge. Give yourself time to slow down and go inward. I hear SO many women tell me they hate sitting in silence or they avoid meditation and honestly girl, I feel ya. But that’s why it is called a practice. And slowing down your mind will heal your mind. Don’t dismiss the simplicity of silence, prayer, and journaling in your mental hygiene practice.
-I don’t use my phone before 8 am or after 6 pm. Okay.. I know this isn’t possible for everyone, and a lot of people find joy in the leisurely scroll of social media every morning and night but honestly, social media can be a really big trigger for me and my emotional state. If I am feeling insecure and stumble across someone on my feed who is living the high life, I can easily get triggered, feel less than, and shift into a low vibe state. I reserve the beginning and end of my day for ME and my energy. Over time I am learning how to create a high vibe state by thought alone. I don’t need to watch a movie to feel happy and I don’t need to find a funny meme on social media to feel good… I can simply be myself and live in my own high vibe state. By setting boundaries on my “information consumption” time, I am showing up to be the creator of my environment rather than the reactor of my environment. I give myself a solid few hours in the morning and night without any technology. This practice, however simple it may sound, has been a game-changer for me.
-I’m healing the Gut and Mind Connection: For starters, I have been really paying attention to how my Gut affects my mental health. I think this is something we just didn’t have the research on years ago (or at least I didn’t) and now that I am opening up to learning more about the cause of mental health conditions, I am starting to pay more attention to my gut and how it affects my own personal mental state. This means I take a probiotic daily and I started to remove gut-irritating foods like dairy, wheat, processed meats, and sugars. I find it unlikely to be a coincidence that when my body was unwell my mind was unwell. Knowing that these two things are very connected has pushed me towards the holistic approach to mental hygiene: treating my body to treat my mind. The Book: A Mind of Your Own by Kelly Brogan is really educating me in this area of wellness. -
I’m Getting Vitamin D in the Booty: Yes.. I am getting vitamin D shots at least twice a month now. When I got my blood tested (which is something everyone who struggles with depression should do) I found out that my vitamin D levels were very low and were causing my thyroid to operate at a sub-optimal level. With a slow tired and fatigued body, it’s no wonder I struggled with depression for most of my life! Vitamin D deficiency is actually a big contributor to depression-like symptoms. It can also cause things like high Cortisol levels and anxiety flare-ups. I have a big fear of shots so I stayed away from this for a while. You can take vitamin D capsules if you’d like, but from what I’ve read, taking Vitamin D orally can make it harder for your body to absorb. So if you have a place near you that administers vitamin injections, I definitely suggest speaking to your doctor to see if it is a good fit for you.
-Prioritizing B12 Intake: A little side fact about me, I have EBV which is the Epstein Barr Virus and is considered an auto-immune disorder. If you have ever had mononucliosis (also known as the kissing disease) Epstein Barr tends to be something that stays with you. This means your body can have a hard time retaining B12 and absorbing it into your system. I am also getting B12 Shots regularly, but you can easily get a sublingual B12 to take at home daily.
-NAD Therapy: This is a NEW thing for me. I am not going to write too much about it here but I am going to probably dedicate an entire blog post to this in the future. NAD therapy is an IV treatment that has been really beneficial for me so far. I have only done two treatments but I am really enjoying and feeling the effects of it and am excited to share more with you in the weeks that follow.
What I am focused on NEXT for my mental health journey: Removing the Habit of Eating/Drinking things to change my state: Tired? Have a cup of coffee. Need a happiness boost? Just have some sugar. In need of comfort? Have some icecream. Honesty, I have been living my entire life using food as a drug to cope and change my emotional or energetic state. Just this last week I was in Florida celebrating with our Team in Disney and I ate ALL The things. I had pizza, ice-cream, chips, cake, cookies and a ton of other stuff that totally goes against my mental health practice. The next level of healing for me requires me to heal my relationship with food and to remove addictions to sugar, sweets and processed products. I hope sharing this with you helps in some way, and I hope you find your own unique path to healing! Remember, talk to your doctor.