EP 233: Healing Boundaries & Triggers with Family

lauren of love podcast Aug 17, 2021

I have been triggered by my family my entire life. 

  Triggers were a big thing for me for a really long time. To me, triggers are anything that throw you off of your highest vibration (ex. Sudden frustration, anger, etc.). these are the result of triggered experiences that offset your emotional reality. It is reaction, at its finest and play-outs of wounding, patterns, and programming that we are starting to see.

  Part of the reason we feel lower vibrations in the presence of family is because we are triggered when they are unlike us. Your purpose of being birthed into your lineage and ancestral line is to heal and recover, and repair what has been passed down to you. With that, comes this belief of, “Yes. I am holding a higher vibration than my family.” Sometimes when things aren’t as we wish they were, we experience the shadow side of existing and being different in this higher vibration. It can be hard as we grow, ascend, and become these highest vibrational selves, but at the same time feel more separated from your family than ever. 

  But really, you are becoming closer. The more you raise your vibration, the more the possibility of compassion, love, and oneness is possible, the more we identify and embody all aspects of self. Being in a family dynamic where we want to be loved and accepted, there is a consequence of separating parts of ourselves. We inherit these patterns of thinking, showing up, and socialization to fit in with our families and feel close to them. We sacrifice the qualities we have in ourselves that are pure and divine as a child because we learn from our parents how we think we should act.

  While we grow in this journey of reclamation, we tend to really see with a clear pair of eyes, where our family is really at. When our families choices and behavior don’t make us happy, it’s because they are mirroring something to us. But if we sit and judge our families the way they did to us, or try to fix them, it is just a pattern playing itself out where these triggers continue to affect us.

  Throughout my life, I have had a tough relationship with my family. More recently, their judgements towards my decisions in my relationship, my journey with plant medicine, etc. have been really big triggers for me. 

  When we seek validation, approval, and love, we bring up these topics that we know may cause toxicity, but we do it to be in our truth and be heard. It’s this realm of empowerment where we look for validation instead of existing confidently in our beliefs.

  I experienced this between my mom and my grandma, as well as myself and my grandma. She isn’t used to or comfortable with the way I exist or present myself, and when she expresses that, I take it personally, as would anyone else. This is where separation is really important. When those perspectives affect how you feel about yourself, use them as a tool to teach yourself how to heal the judgement that you feel from others. The judgement is for those who attempt to project it on to you, not for you to internalize yourself. In my situation, my grandma has not been able to embody all of these aspects of herself that she may have needed, but I am. And that means nothing about me and everything about her.

  You may not be for everybody and you should love that. Give yourself the permission to be who YOU are without hesitation. Don’t look for approval from others, but find comfort in yourself and what feels best for you. Social approval is not necessary and until you understand that, the Universe will continue to show you experiences that will lead you to that realization and help you to claim your sovereignty. 

  If you have a loved one that is doing something or saying something that makes you feel uneasy, it is a time to stop, breathe, and think, “What is mine and what is not? What action can I take? What boundaries can I set for myself?” If you feel that these things aren’t the best for you, it is okay to ask for them to communicate differently with you.

  In your heart center and communicating with empowerment through the heart, you can lead conversations to avoid triggers and ease tension or stories you tell yourself that can cause tension. Don’t allow the space for chaos or toxicity in these uncomfortable situations. Continue with love and allow yourself to feel the same way towards those that you hold these conversations with when they started.

  Boundaries are important, but we get angry, toxic, and aggressive with our boundaries. This is an opportunity to change how we set our boundaries, and set them with love.

  Your life choices for you and what you do with your body, should be exactly what you want it to be. Others judgements should not dictate your happiness on your path with your free will. Some may ask to understand you to judge, and not to understand. But when you know better for yourself, you understand that nobody is more of an expert on what’s best for you than you are. Do not forget that. 

Take care of your energy and create your dynamic, don’t react to it. 

“Before responding, breathe.”- Lauren Eliz Love

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