Interview with Ashaun:
A-The more I do my inner work, the more pain I am in.
Physical body pain? What are you currently experiencing in your body?
A-I have a nervous system condition that causes nerve pain called Trigomedialnoralgya; across the left side of my face I have a nerve that triggers severe nerve pain whenever I move my mouth/jaw or touch my face. I can't chew, drink or take medicine without pain.
How long have you had this condition?
A- It started May 2020 and became severe March 2021
L- This is interesting, a lot of what I have seen transpire over the last 2-3 years is surfacing trauma through physical body ailment. I have experienced it starting in 2019 and many are seeing it now. Pain and suffering through news and social media is making it come to the surface for the collective.
Was COVID a hard hit for you?
A- It gave me a lot of anxiety.
L- Awareness that what you're experiencing in external reality is affecting emotional/physical wellness balance. Body and spirit need healing from holding onto trauma energy. Humans don't often know how to create energy within us, we are reactionary to the world around us. This is a study to reverse that. Our internal reality cant reflect in external reality for the good.
A- It seems any time I attempt to do any spiritual work, or dig into spirituality I end up with more pain. I would rather stay in bed than work on an inner journey. Is this normal?
L- YES. Yes, yes yes. A helpful practice or approach to have is that this is coming out for a reason. It is a purge or cleansing and it is important and very normal. It doesn't have to be necessary. When I experienced this I had a horrible rash I couldn't stop itching, I sat through an Ayahuasca this weekend and noticed it is coming back and instead of seeing it as illness I recognize I am learning to meet my own needs and master my own body so I have to learn how to heal it and deal with it.
What inner work besides this call, have you done recently where the pain started to really surface?
L- Inner work, like everything, has a light and dark side. Sometimes when we are in a perspective where we are addicted to our suffering, the belief that, “life has to be hard for me, I don't get what I want, it's not safe to be me, I can't have a healthy body.” Even if I believe it but I know logically I can have those things, sometimes with those perspectives you're not coming into the inner work journey in a right relationship. We feed into the story that we are victims and sufferers and come into our innerwork the wrong way. We need to go through study to get to the point of discomfort where we can say damn this sucks and I am hurting but this is temporary and I can get through this. In my recent discussion, we talked about God's message, “We are here to suffer, the meek shall inherit the earth, sin, reconciliation, and the concept of original sin which is a programmed belief system in us that is associated with suffering. It’s important to find a different path and try something different, work toward right relationships. The pain and discomfort is the energy or God power telling you “There is another way!”
So, How do I rewrite these? Do you believe you can rewrite these?
Do you know how? Would you like to learn how?
L- The first step is to be aware that your perspective/relationship with God is the tool at which you manifest in life. Our responsibility is to make our channel and relationship with source as sacred, holy, and divine as possible. Take a break from bullying yourself and navigate your emotions differently. You need to have sacred, pure, self-aligned, and protected truth in your belief system.
Do you believe you are the creator of your reality?
A- A small part of me.
L- The answer for all of us is yes and no- that's duality. That part of you in any season of your life operates as a certain percent of you. In this season of my life, I believe I am 95% the creator of my reality. The 5% is the stuff I am unaware of or blind to that I need to learn or become aware of. We are always everything and always nothing, it is based on your perspective which shines through. I have to hold myself accountable because I know I am the creator of my reality and have to own up to my work. I can look at my 5% and say spirit knows what is best and is bringing me in the right direction. When you do these inner work prompts you can’t allow yourself to indulge in or obsess over your suffering. It can rather be a release of suffering, seen from a perspective that supports you.
What can we do differently? First and foremost we have to see what is happening to us and see where we are not in the right relationship. We become clear about things from childhood and present that affect us and hold us back. What can be helpful in navigating inner work is focusing on release exercises. I'm wondering for you, Ashaun, if there are modalities you can practice that are loving, rather than focusing on suffering and abuse.
For example, writing these experiences out. Take the paper, read it, look at it, and burn it. Say “I release this suffering. I let it go”. Focus on bringing loving vibration, gentleness, sound healing, essential oils to the body to heal. Being in the right relationship with yourself is learning to care for yourself. Asking who does my soul really want to be?
*Lauren, pulls up questions about God from Instagram messages*
A- How do I connect with spirit?
L- Have you ever felt God before?
L- That’s okay! Have you ever felt knowing about a higher power, or felt a sign from the universe?
A- Yes, sign from the universe.
L- Have you ever witnessed the magic of the world?
L- These are all modalities of spiritual connection. Most commonly talked about is the body experience. Feeling spirit/God in the body, feel tingles, etc. You need your body to be turned on and healthy, you need to feed it with high vibrational energies. We are like satellite signals or antennas for energy. Focus on how the body feels in prayer and on how your temple (body) is honored.
Another way to connect is through silence. Shut off technology and be connected to your prayer and to mother earth. Or, communicate with God. Ask for a sign, send a prayer written or spoken. Ask silently your questions to the creator. God the father is a piece of this, Mother Mary, Jesus are all a piece that connect to a big source energy frequency, the energy of love. When we say we want to deepen connection to spirit, we want to connect deeper with love and understand it. It is helpful to take ownership of patterns and see how it shows up for you in life, make changes, put the boundaries up, and seek your own recognition and love for how you serve yourself. Go to bed every day being so proud of how you served and loved yourself that day.
A- I feel like God can take away all my pain because he's so powerful... but instead I feel like... How he can watch me suffer in pain because he's outside and inside of me.
L- The anger we feel to God because he makes us suffer is all based on a belief system that is not serving you. And part of it is that your external stuff affects how you feel. Anxiety over COVID, anger about God not helping you, anger and sadness about childhood affect the inner you. I suffered a lot, but suffering is a choice. Going through challenges is not always a choice, suffering through them is. I didn't know how to choose better for myself because I was constantly letting others outside of me dictate my life and how I felt. This is a study of coming back into your power and believing you are someone who can have everything she wants. Our bodies are so powerful when we work with them and not against them.
With nerve damage and pain, I have seen and heard from plant medicine teachers how well plant medicines can help with navigation of energy through the body. You could look into reiki energy work. God won't just give you love and happiness in all areas of life. I recommend watching the documentary on the Dark Night Of The Soul called Finding Joe, or even Finding Nemo. He wants to find himself, goes through dark shit and comes out on the other side. God wants you to be powerful and abundant and healthy, in a healthy way. This is a process of having a new relationship with God and understanding God more deeply. This is an awakening, a reset to your system., The physical pain and suffering is God teaching you to really be in your power and move that through you.
We have both God and The Devil within us, not an evil demon but the suffering or addiction, fear based thoughts, negative thinking, the ego. The Devil wins, the weeds grow, you're in your suffering and you feel lost. If you're going to remove belief systems about what God was, it's your responsibility to discover what you think God is, and that will change over time.
A- How do I take my power back?
L- Do you know how to pray? We spend all this time asking how do I do this? I will say, what's more effective for me in getting the result I want is to spend less time asking how to do it and more time asking how I can remember my prayer for this work in every moment of this study. You could be journaling every morning “Today I promise to take my power back” or a prayer every night “Thank you for letting me take my power back”. You could be holding your body accountable for balance and using the soul to direct the body which requires discipline. Will you set a ceremony schedule, cut out inflammatory foods, explore plant medicine? It will take a while to be in the result of these decisions, but we need to make these decisions. The more you have this perspective and practice, the more powerful we get. Also, do things everyday that make you feel powerful. Do art, sing, etc. Make a decision to heal, that's it.
A-I’ve been interested in the HEAL. Program
L- HEAL. program is really sacred and really powerful but not for everyone, but it would be perfect for you. It focuses on moving though your wounds, how to correct behaviors in the now, there are modalities in healing the body, mind, spirit, and reclamation of self practices. You are on the brink of your happily ever after. It may feel hard and heavy and far away, but it is right there. Give yourself permission to feel your pain, but move through it and acknowledge when you have released something and how good it feels.
Please make your own judgments and do your own research on what is best for your health.
There may be perspectives of what I carry in my heart that may not be in yours, and some that are in yours. Practice discernment in knowing what medicine is right for you in this season of your life. Recognize that these will change over time. There are many perspectives I hold today that if I shared with my past self, I would say it was crazy.
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